Tuesday, January 20, 2009

One is Silver and the Other's Gold

Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold. I've been thinking about my friends a lot lately. Having traveled all over I have friends on remote french islands off the coast of Africa and in Europe and the US Virgin Islands and on the mainland they go from Florida to Connecticut to California and every where in between. Many of my friends call me the glue that holds us together. The contact person who remembers to call once or twice a year and tell them all about our friends.
Making friends and keeping in touch is the easy part. The toughest part is those that have wanted to leave my companionship. I'm never sure of the reason, nor is there ever a closure, they just stop answering my phone calls.
I've spent nights past going over what I said or what I could have done to make my friend decide she just didn't care to have me in her life any more? Perhaps it's the distance or the full life that come with getting older. With marriage, kids, and work, there's just not enough time to talk to someone you never see. Maybe talking to me is the last thing they want to do at the end of a long week or day.
Never the less it still hurts. I have to admit, I have friends I've out grown. One girlfriend thinks every time she sees me that I have been dying to drink tequila, sing classic rock n roll like I'm on stage and stay up till dawn. I'd say I've out grown her. I'd say some times it's really hard trying to make conversation with her. We don't think the same way when it comes to nutrition, health, politics or relationships, but she was there when no one else was. She stuck her neck out for me when I was pregnant and needed an address so I could get medical care for cheap. She doesn't want to let me go. So I get to keep her.
Maybe my reason for thinking that I've out grown my tequila swigging girlfriend is the same reason my other girlfriends have dropped me. They were all friends from college.
Maybe we just grew apart. It's natural. We tend to keep close those who can reassure us our way of thinking is OK. But not me! I always love a challenge! And I always love my girlfriends forever and ever.
So I keep my precious metals-I keep the old in my heart, in my soul and in my mind. They might never be on the other end of the phone line, but they are always with me.


Annette said...

Oh boy do I hear ya! I've had this happen too many times in my life. Is it because I - moved away / don't party anymore / am a stay at home mama now / whatever...? I've stopped trying to figure it out. Sure it hurts. People get caught up and some old friendships move down the priority list. When it would happen to me it would make me feel as though I wasn't good enough in some way.

But you know what? I don't feel that way anymore. When I realise what's happened, I silently thank that friend for the times we shared and wish them love and happiness. And then I let go peacefully.

I no longer hold back when I meet new people, afraid of the hurt that may come. Perhaps I've made better friends with myself and so sharing that with others is a joy, whatever happens for however long it lasts, it's a gift for as long as it's meant to be.

I have some gold friends and I am deeply grateful for them. Months or even years can go by without any contact, but then it's like we just pick up where we left off.


Eli said...

Thank you Annette! I will do your ritual. It is so nice to hear it is not only me! You always say the right things! I love your comment on the 40's. I realize as I head toward the 50's, that I just got use to the 40's!

Barb said...

I hope you know you are in my heart!