Wednesday, March 4, 2009


I am self righteous. I try to right the wrong. I have a problem with phone operators who are trying to help me! My self chatter with drivers who are doing stupid things all in the name of getting somewhere in zero time is all about how stupid they are and how if only they drove like me they'd be so much better off. I am rude to the post office clerk because they make me stand in line instead of handing me a box! And the list goes on and on...

I don't know how I acquired this fault. I have pondered it of late. What in my childhood built this strong character flaw? I know it came from very early on. I know this because a friend from high school recently called me cocky and then preceded to give me stories of crimes I had commited in the ninth grade to back this up! She was right! I have thought everyone is wrong and I am right for way too long. Just being able to not be right is a hard habit to give up. I have tried to correct this in the past. I am better at this than I use to be. I remember when I practiced the many lessons that was to make me realize that being right is not thinking in the right mind. Yet there is still a core part of me that grows strong in this self righteous train of thought. A black, hard trunk that won't turn white no matter how hard I meditate on it.

And meditate I have! I have now gone weeks meditating for an hour or more each morning. But my ego is starting to fight it harder, trying to get me to never begin. It knows once I begin, there is no ending it quickly. My ego whispers loudly, that I don't have time to lie here meditating. I have a list a mile long to get started on. I can't spend any more time somewhere where things may come up that I don't care to see. On and on it goes.

Well, I have to fix this cockiness. I have lived this dream too long with this lie. I know I will not find peace while this delusional trunk grows inside. I must figure out how to stump it from within. How?...

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