As mothers, how conscious are we of the effect we have on our children? Our life as a mother requires a constant awareness of how every word and every action we create is a moment our child may reflect on for the rest of their lives.
There is no stronger proof of this than reflecting on the history we share with our Moms. Is their anyone else that can disrupt our being more than our moms? And it is done so easily, maybe with a comment on the book we are reading, a remark regarding our favorite outfit, or criticism of our feelings. Not any other love one effects us the way our Mom does. Friends don't effect us this way. Moms say things to their children they would never say to a friend.
There are extreme cases of childhood abuse and of these I am not referring. But in the instance that we remember the words spoken or not spoken by our Moms, moment that we carry with us for a life time, we can ask ourselves "Did she really mean to have such a negative effect?" As moms we're not deliberately trying to hurt the ones we love the most.
I often think of my son grown. What will our relationship be? Will I proffer unsolicited advise? Or will I be able to stand by him with love and support and with no judgement on who he has become? Do I do that now?
I strive to always be open to feelings my child or a love one may have. I reflect on how I may contribute to their discomfort. But I will not try and change their feelings or who they are, cause only they can do that (perhaps that should be my mantra). And when I realize that maybe I didn't handle a situation in the best way, I will say "I'm sorry, I realize I played a part in this conflict."
Because a child and parent relationship is the longest we will have, they tend to be written in stone, to be less flexible than other relationships. That is why I find it so important to show my son that I can change. I don't have to respond a certain way every time. That I can be the best he needs me to be. We can write our story in sand.